Word count:15670
[Music] so i've reached a new level of awakening that i want to tell you about if you're interested in something more practical less lofty and metaphysical then you might want to skip this episode otherwise here we go so as you know i've been awakening a lot and over the last few years and especially many of my awakenings were very solid cystic i've talked about that in the past and i've been struggling to integrate this solipsism for for years now really i would say that like probably my last 30 or more awakenings were revealing a deeper and deeper form of solipsism and my mind had to struggle to to make sense of it to integrate it into ordinary life and that sort of thing and i know that many of you who've been following along have also struggled with that and have a lot of questions about that which i've answered here and there and i've alluded to and so forth but there was even even though like my awakenings have become really deep and i successfully integrated a lot of the solipsism stuff and kind of got over gotten over it personally but still there was something in the back of my mind that was always bugging me about that like i couldn't quite put my finger on it but there was something there like i could tell that there was there was more to be revealed and so i started really wondering okay like what could be missing what could i be missing let me try to disprove my deepest awakenings as best as i can not for the sake of anybody else but just for my own sake because as i've talked about with self-deception you know self-deception is possible even when you're awakening self-deception is possible in the sense that you can misinterpret your awakening or you can come back into ordinary life and then have ideas about it that aren't quite right that sort of thing so i wanted to see the next time i woke i wanted to see and really like push myself to try to disprove it and this is what happened when i did that i had one of my awakenings and it was sort of the usual solipsistic sort very profound of course but by this point i've had so many of them that i'm kind of comfortable with that headspace but i decided to go deeper i decided to really like start from scratch you know throw away every idea about awakening that i had all the teachings and all of my own ideas and all of my past awakenings like throw it all away like really go back to the drawing board as close to a blank slate as possible and re-enquire completely from scratch as it were and of course the inquiry is who am i what am i and what is god like really really rock bottom at rock bottom what is it and so i entered into a state of very profound non-knowing where i threw away everything and you might wonder well leo haven't you done that before and of course i have to various degrees um but this time like i was really in a sort of not knowing headspace i went very very deep with it um because i felt like you know the thing that happens that you have your awakenings then you start to develop ideas and theories and you sort of make sense of those awakenings and that sort of adds like conceptual baggage on top of them and over time as you're doing that you do sort of build up like a a sort of you might call it a meta world view like yes in awakening you're transcending all beliefs structures and all ideology and even all spiritual teachings ideally you're translating all of that but even as you do that still you come back and you still you still develop beliefs about it you still have ideas about it you still have to have to make sense of it to yourself somehow you still have to talk about it in my case i still have to communicate it and teach it and so forth and so that does build up a sort of like meta baggage metal meta conceptual baggage so it can be good to once in a while just completely wipe the slate clean because that stuff can be distorting and coloring how your future awakenings unfold and maybe it holds you back from the deepest awakenings possible so i did that i wiped the slate completely clean it's just a very profound sense of not knowing and you know a little extra point to this is that look especially once you've had you know if you've done a lot of psychedelics if you had a lot of awakenings if you've done a lot of meditation do a lot of spiritual study you can develop a sort of like spiritual arrogance in the sense that you tell yourself well like i've already experienced so much i've awoken so much and so deeply and i've studied all this material so like now surely i there's nothing i could possibly even be missing and that's of course exactly where you could fall into a trap right so you have to be aware of that how that can be a trap hopefully you're aware of that so anyways you know of course i've always been aware of that so in this in this whole experience like i really wanted to like confront the possibility that somehow i'm fooling myself so that's the intention i went in with then so i'm in a state of profound not knowing and then i notice just how much everything all insight all understanding about reality and about self is locked behind a profound fear just this deep primordial fear of coming to face to face with truth or with with reality beyond what you've previously known and so i felt a bit of that fear it's like well [ __ ] i'm letting everything go you know what what am i afraid of well what if something comes up what if something is revealed to me that contradicts everything that came before so there could be that kind of fear uh or just uh there's a very primordial fear of like well what if what if the truth is ugly and horrific and something awful will be revealed to me you know a lot of times we talk about beautiful truths about god and love and the liberation from suffering you know this kind of stuff but then in the back your mind you're like but what if reality isn't actually like that what if if you if you let go of all that stuff and you go like even deeper let's say beyond all that you question all of that what if deep down what you find is something horrific and you're afraid of that you're afraid of admitting you've been wrong like what if you're fundamentally wrong about not just your materialistic worldview but even your spiritual worldview and in my case you know what if i'm wrong about the things that i've been teaching that's of course a kind of fear that you would have as a teacher because uh when you're teaching thousands of people you know it's a big responsibility hopefully you're aware of that and then if you're misleading all those people and if you've been misleading them for years that would be a very big fear that you might face as a teacher for example and of course there could be many other kinds of fears that you might have um but anyways i sort of i i recognize this fear and uh but i also fully accepted it and i was willing to just be honest and to see whatever the truth was i was willing to look at it regardless of the fear and that's a key point for you here in this work is that whatever your fears are in spiritual work eventually you're gonna have to face them because the truth you're gonna find that the truth and the greatest love is always found locked behind your greatest fears this is a common theme throughout all of human mythology and the hero's journey and i mean the hero's journey is basically talking about the spiritual journey and the reason most people don't go looking for the truth is because it's scary they're afraid of what they're going to find and in most cases they have good reason to be afraid because most people's lives and their minds and psyches and worldviews are constructed on foundations of sand really no foundation at all it's just a house of cards and as soon as you start pulling on those cards the whole house is going to fall apart very quickly and so that's scary if your career is based upon a house of cards that's going to collapse if your relationships or your marriage is based on a house of cards that can collapse if your religion or ideology or scientific worldview is based or your like career as a public intellectual is based upon a house of cards which all of it is basically that's going to fall apart your you know your political ideologies those will fall apart so people who have built up grand houses of cards and then they rely upon those for their survival to feed themselves to feed their children and their family to take care of them to give them sex and love and approval and status and reputation all you know all the goodies that the ego wants various kinds of pleasure as well um if your house of cards is providing that to you you're going to be very afraid of looking underneath the foundation of your house of cards because you're going to discover that it's just a house of cards and so anyways that was just an aside but then anyway so i go beyond this this primordial fear and then uh as much as i'm trying to disprove the solipsism i can't i can't disprove it it's just i'm in an absolute state of consciousness and it's absolutely apparent to me that there is no other but myself i am completely alone and so at this point it's just a recapitulation you know it's kind of like i'm i'm punching at a brick wall thinking that maybe i can punch through it but here i'm punching at it and i can't punch through it and so this just reaffirms my past solipsism and i i become i focus my mind on this aspect of absolute consciousness and myself as being absolute consciousness of the sovereignty the absolute sovereignty of consciousness the absolute sovereignty of god myself as god and at this point i'm in a complete god mode god consciousness and so i'm just exploring this god consciousness and contemplating it as it's you know as i'm in it and i'm just wondering like in awe at the sovereignty now uh i've talked about this sovereignty point before in the past i especially have a video called how authority works which talks about this point very important video um that a lot of people still i don't think have grasped who follow my work so go rewatch that one but anyways yeah the sovereignty see god is absolutely sovereign you understand this you know what does this mean god is absolutely sovereign it means that because god is one because god is alone and god is all there is god is conscious and infinite consciousness this consciousness is completely sovereign onto itself now if you don't like the word god and you want to use the word universe you could use that or if you want to use the word reality you can use that these are all synonyms see if you're coming at this from a more materialistic scientific perspective you can just use the word reality and just kind of like ask yourself you know if reality is infinite if there's only one reality reality is sovereign onto itself you see that there can't be something outside of reality that places limits upon or dictates or mandates to reality reality is sovereign that means it's self-determining a way to another way to put it is to say that whatever reality wants however reality wants to be it can be that way without anyone stopping it who would stop reality from being however way it was now this is kind of weird to hear if you're like a scientific divided person because you would say well leo reality doesn't want anything so you're anthropomorphizing reality um yeah i get that but you don't understand that it's not that i'm anthropomorphizing reality it's actually your demystifying reality you're materializing reality you're not seeing reality as a mind or as a consciousness you're you're de-spiriting reality and that's why to you it seems like i'm anthropomorphizing reality um but actually reality wills itself to be however it wants it's sovereign that's what god is god is sovereign if you just kind of like intuitively think about the notion of god the concept of god would the concept of god make any sense if god was a subject to some but some other power or authority outside of itself beyond itself second to itself like if you came to god and you said hey god you know uh you know make me some vanilla ice cream and god say well i can't and you'd be like well why you're god you can do anything and god would say well no but there's somebody above me telling me that i can't it's like no right that doesn't make sense for the concept of god just intuitively it doesn't make sense that wouldn't be god in this case in that case what would be god is the thing that's above the thing that's setting the limit on making the ice cream that would actually be god so if you go to god and then say god do something for me then god says no i can't do that and then you say why and then god says well because the laws of physics prevent it or because it's not possible within time and space or within the laws of this universe you see that can't work either because you can't appeal to laws or to to physics or to limits of time and space or or to limits of logic even you can't appeal to these things because these things would then be god if you're saying that god is limited by physics that means physics is god and then you have to just then you have to skip the middle man whoever you're calling god in this case skip that guy and go straight to physics go to the real god and then ask ask physics okay physics be some way for me that i want you to be and then see if physics if you could talk to physics and physically say well no but i can't do that why not why can't you do that and then physics will say well i can't do that because because why there would have to be something else beyond physics that is limiting physics or physics could say well i don't want to do that because i'm determining my si i want to be the way that i am right i want to maintain the physics as it is now in this case it's not that physics can't change is that physics doesn't want to change because physics is self-determining see but in this case now physics is sovereign it's sovereign because it can change but it doesn't want to but if it wanted to it could nothing is stopping it but itself that's what sovereignty fundamentally means is that it doesn't mean you're not limited per se but it means if you are limited you're imposing that limit upon yourself and that limit could change if you changed your mind or your attitude so reality is absolutely sovereign god is absolutely sovereign if you haven't awoken to that yet then i highly recommend that next time you're going to be awakening or doing some psychedelics or contemplating this stuff that you contemplate this issue of sovereignty and come face to face with the fact that you are absolutely sovereign so anyways this this was not new to me i already knew this but i just i sort of focused on this fast remember i talked about how awakening and god has many facets i have an episode called the many facets of awakening where i describe a couple dozen different facets well this is one of the facets is sovereignty so i was just focused on that facet a lot in this experience in this awakening and i was very conscious that i am forever locked into my own consciousness as god i can't break outside of my own consciousness because my consciousness is everything it's absolute and it's unlimited but then as i was sort of like retreading this was old ground that i was just kind of like retreading in this in this awakening then some new insight hit me that came completely out of the blue and and shocked me and that insight was that wait a minute if i'm absolutely sovereign why can't there be another sovereign totally separate for me as though like in a separate dimension why can't i be completely sovereign over here and then some other consciousness can be completely sovereign onto itself now if that was the case at first it might seem well no that that can't be the case because how can you have two sovereigns wouldn't they contradict and conflict with each other well they would if they were in the same reality than they would which is why the only way this could work is that if it's completely sovereign it has to be completely sovereign onto itself utterly disconnected from the other sovereign like in another dimension so to speak except this other dimension would be would have to be so separate from my consciousness and my reality that it would even have to be outside of my notions of dimensionality because if if my consciousness includes many dimensions and infinite dimensions in it then this sovereign has to be even outside of all those dimensions because if it was in one of the dimensions that i could imagine then it would be part of me and then it would contradict my sovereignty which would not be possible because i'm absolutely sovereign so this possibility opened up to me and i first i was like nah that's kind of it can't that can't be and i thought about it some more and i realized it can be of course it can and that in fact that's exactly what it means to be absolutely sovereign to be absolutely sovereign means that you're so isolated into your own solipsistic bubble that there can be an infinite number of such solipsistic bubbles all completely disconnected from each other completely sovereign onto themselves and so at this moment i awoke to the fact that i am god but there but what it means for me to be god and for me to be absolute and sovereign is that there can be an infinite number of other absolute consciousnesses like myself forever disconnected from me doing their own thing and that in fact this is necessitated by my own sovereignty that this is the case i awoke to this insight that there can in fact be infinite gods and i don't just mean gods with a lowercase g but i mean infinite gods with an uppercase g this was new territory for me i had not considered this possibility before if you would have told this to me just verbally conceptually in the past i would have said no that's not possible that's silly there can only be one god one infinity one absolute one sovereign otherwise it contradicts that but as i was actually awakening this wasn't just some logical deduction that i did and this wasn't just some activity of conceptualizing mind or some sort of like speculation or theorizing this was part of my direct experience and my awakening is that in fact this is a possibility and not only is it a possibility but it's it's almost necessitated by my own sovereignty which is just to say that there can be an infinite number of realities like my reality because when we're talking about god we're just talking about reality but notice for there to be an infinite number of realities they have to be completely disconnected from each other because as soon as they can form any kind of connection they immediately become part of this reality that you're experiencing that you are so it's a little bit tricky but at the same time as this was happening i was also conscious that this possibility of other gods sovereign onto themselves like me locked into their own solid cystic realities that this is still just a figment of my own consciousness because how else am i thinking about this how else am i conscious of this possibility other than as part of my own consciousness obviously right so i am imagining this possibility but then there is the possibility that i'm not just imagining it as a possibility but that it is a reality beyond my imagination of it as a possibility now of course even that is still part of my consciousness part of something that i'm imagining so i am god imagining the possibility of other gods but as i'm kind of like my consciousness is struggling grappling with the logic of this it's a sort of like a very high level kind of logic a divine logic and absolute logic you might call it what i realized that what it really means to be god is to have infinite absolute copies of oneself that's an additional wrinkle to what god is and then another insight came to me a new insight that i can be conscious that because i am god i can absolutely know that i can absolutely never know that other gods even if they exist um i can never absolutely verify that because i'm forever locked into my own sovereignty but i can be conscious that nothing is stopping them from being sovereign onto themselves and what was so amazing about this insight is that it's not merely that i was speculating about this as a possibility or i was thinking like well maybe there are other gods but i can't really know i absolutely knew that they could exist and i absolutely knew that i could and i was absolutely conscious that i could never know or validate it because i'm completely locked in to my own solid cystic bubble you see do you see that subtle subtlety there it's not that i don't know it's that i know for sure that i can never know and this is a real like paradox because you might wonder well but leo how is it possible for god to not know that shouldn't god be able to know everything isn't that part of omniscience in the past i would have said yeah i would have agreed with you but this awakening revealed to me that actually you can become directly conscious absolutely conscious that it's not possible for you to know precisely because you are sovereign if there's something outside of your absolute sovereignty you can never know it if there's a second absolute sovereign you know you can't know it yeah it's very paradoxical um and so i became conscious that i could have infinite copies of myself and it wouldn't contradict my own sovereignty because actually that's what sovereignty entails in a weird paradoxical way but then i thought well well i can never i can never validate this i can never connect with those other gods because of this problem of sovereignty because they are sovereign onto themselves so if they don't want to let me in they don't have to let me in you see my sovereignty can't really override their sovereignty you see you sort of have a clash of absolute sovereignties if there's one sovereign entity over here and one sovereign entity over here this one can't really impose its sovereignty onto this one because they're equally sovereign but then a new insight came to me as i was mulling this over is i said to myself but wait a minute i'm god i'm unlimited if i'm unlimited why can't i form a connection with another god it should be possible because if it wasn't possible that would contradict my infinitude it would make me finite it would make me limited and since i'm god i can't be limited i have to be unlimited and so then i thought to myself why can't i make a connection to another god what would stop me and then i woke to the fact that nothing of course could stop me and so i of course i attempted to make a connection to another absolute sovereign consciousness like myself so at that moment i broadcast the intention to connect to another absolute sovereign consciousness out beyond the edge of my consciousness so i basically said i sort of like i said to myself almost like if there is a sovereign consciousness out there identical to me that is distinct from me and disconnected from me and sovereigned onto itself and i'm sorry not to myself i want to broadcast a connection out to try to connect with that consciousness and so i did that i sent so i sort of like sent the message out into the universe you might say and then of course a connection was formed and there was a absolute sovereign consciousness beyond my own that i was able to how would i put it recognize become conscious of and succeeded in forming a telepathic connection to it instantly recognized itself in me and i recognized myself in it and we recognized that we were both reaching out to each other so as i reached out it immediately reached out back to me because it was fully awake like i was so we were both fully awake and this would only work if both are fully awake at the same time and so it was one god reaching out to another god so now two absolutes recognized each other for the first time so to speak we are awake in parallel recognizing our awakeness together i am it and it is me it's really twisted and very paradoxical it really felt like a telepathic connection to another absolute consciousness that's what it felt like it was an awakening unlike i've ever had before and unlike i've ever heard anyone else talk about i haven't heard any spiritual teachers or enlightened masters talking about this kind of thing so it took me totally by surprise i didn't go looking for this i didn't expect this i didn't go into this experience trying to you know create this it it just kind of hit me out of the blue that's why i was so shocking and amazing at the same time because in the past i've had very profound awakenings but here what happened is that as i was having my awakening i basically connected to another awaken singularity and then we awoke and we were having our awakening together it was like a a dual two awakenings cup two independent awakenings coming together and merging together and awakening at the same time as one and it was it was a very surreal experience incredible mystical experience there were some interesting wrinkles to it so one of the wrinkles is that we both recognized that we could just be dreaming each other and we could be dreaming this connection and that this connection could just be purely imaginary and as we were both recognizing that we were so interconnected like our minds were so interconnected that whatever like i was thinking it it was seeing and whatever it was thinking i was seeing it was almost like we were kind of like contemplating in tandem and whatever insight i was having it was recognizing whatever insight it was having i was recognizing and so we were both like co-inciting together you might say having insights in tandem and sort of like bouncing our insights off each other that's what it meant to form that connection this it wasn't just happening verbally through language this was like it was a connection of pure consciousness like my consciousness was completely accessible to it and its conscious was completely accessible to me once this connection was formed but then i started inquiring like but but what is this connection is this connection actually real that's what i was wondering is this entity i'm connecting to actually real or is it part of just my own psyche and what i became conscious of is that what it means for me to be absolutely sovereign is that i can't ever know that i can't actually distinguish between those two two possibilities and that consciousness mirrored my own recognition that it also can't know whether the connection is for me with me is real or imaginary and that in fact is the very evidence of our sovereignties that's what it means to be sovereign is that you can never know anything outside of your own consciousness it's absolutely impossible to know and we both recognize this not knowing and we basked in it simultaneously at once and it was such a delicious like there was this feeling of just pure ecstasy and bliss and deliciousness to this recognition we were co-recognizing it together i mean if i was to describe it in poetic language and really the way that it felt to me it literally felt like having sex like having metaphysical sex with god that's what it felt like it was like two gods having metaphysical sex with each other of course it wasn't physical it was metaphysical it was purely in the like platonic realm this connection was formed there was a profound flowering of love of of infinite love that flowed from this recognition of not knowingness and yet at the same time the possibility of this connection and the recognition that this connection it didn't matter whether this connection was imaginary or whether it was real because there's no difference between what's real and what's imaginary that's part of what it means to be awake is to know that there is no such difference the fact that i can't know if i'm actually connecting to another god that's not a mistake that's a feature that's not a bug and the recognition that that's a feature of your absolute sovereignty this is the most delicious aspect of this awakening that itself is the awakening that itself is god recognizing god this is the logic the necessity of god's structure and is being recognized by god not just by me but by that other god and we're doing it simultaneously and the recognition that the difference between this being actual versus being an imaginary connection the recognition that there is no difference between those two that is what creates the connection that is what love is so it's a mistake to focus on this difference because the difference itself is imaginary now you might wonder well leo so did this contradict solipsism does this mean solipsism is false the answer is no because that other god is always just part of my own consciousness so solipsism is never broken here and yet it feels like a deeper version of solipsism believe it or not it's like an additional next level of solipsism because as soon as i make a connection to any other god out there uh it's already part of my consciousness that's the only way the connection can be made and therefore as soon as i connect with it i become it it becomes part of me and so it's still just all me there's never anything outside of me even if i find something find something outside of me and recognize it it me immediately my finding of it and my recognition of it makes it part of me and so in a sense all that's happening here is my own sense of me as god is expanding so no other is ever really being found as soon as another is found it's immediately integrated into me it's as though infinity is trying to break outside of itself by imagining another and then it succeeds temporarily because it's unlimited so it finds something but as it succeeds it recognizes that it is imagining that other and therefore it merges that other into itself infinity here you have to think of it as this dynamic for forever expanding force like a shock wave moving out through space it's like a rolling wave in an infinite space reverberating through and it has like a leading edge you might say imagine that our physical universe has an edge but that edge is moving at the speed of light expanding outwards forever you can never like go beyond the edge because the edge is the fastest thing that there is there's nothing outside the edge it kind of feels like that like consciousness is forever expanding and you usually you're not at the edge of that consciousness but in this case when you're very very conscious and you're so awake that you're like at the highest levels of awakening possible you literally can get to the edge of it but then as you get to the edge of it you see that the edge keeps just rolling outwards outwards in all dimensions all possible ways and you can ride the edge of that wave but any time you get beyond it that trying to get beyond it is the rolling of the wave so you can't get beyond it because every every movement to get beyond it is the thing that's pushing it outward more so you become that wave rolling outwards and everything that wave touches gets incorporated into itself because it's always expanding out into not something else but into itself really you might frame it as or phrase it as consciousness is expanding out into unconsciousness and as soon as consciousness expands out into unconsciousness it becomes consciousness and therefore there's only consciousness you might say well what about the unconsciousness well the unconsciousness is part of your consciousness it's kind of tricky so any sense of other can only be temporary before infinity absorbs it incorporates it into itself by expanding its consciousness of itself so really what was happening here when i was forming this connection is i was just expanding my consciousness of myself as god all others that i am ever conscious of are me but there could be multiple absolutes like me and since i'm always locked into my own absoluteness that's just the nature of what it means to be god so you can also think of this as god as an infinite fractal god when you say god what that means is an infinite number of singularities all absolute onto themselves all self-similar nested inside of each other to infinity that's really what it means to recognize yourself as god is to recognize that there's an infinite number of gods within you and within those gods are an infinite number of gods like you it's a mind [ __ ] for sure it's very paradoxical the paradoxes here are not a mistake they're a feature so of course then i realized that it's not just one god that i could connect to but i can recognize an infinite number of godheads like myself and all of us connect can connect together telepathically merging into each other and it's not like those gods are different those godheads are different for me they're actually identical to me they're just like identical copies though now they could be doing whatever they want they can be dreaming their own dreams independent dreams of what i'm dreaming but their fundamental nature is infinity infinity is their is their true nature and that's consistent across all of them and then what it what they're particularly dreaming you know whether they're dreaming of being a cat or a or a mouse or a human or a man or a woman or whatever you know that's that's up to them and i could never know that so then i started thinking along the following line of like okay well let's just let's just suppose let's just kind of speculate here for a minute assume that there were an infinite number of godheads and they can all be dreaming their own independent sovereign dreams locked into their own solipsistic bubbles and then assumed that we could we could reach out to each other and connect telepathically to each other and recognize each other we could do that this would be sort of like consciousness merging into sort of like one meta godhead individual godheads merging into one sort of meta godhead by reaching out to each other connecting um well what what could we do with this ability let's say we have this ability what can we do with it well we could decide to play a game what if what if each of us decides to dream some finite dream and cosplay as some finite being in that dream but rather than just doing it individually like let's say you know 100 people are playing a single player video game each one playing their own video game like you're playing donkey kong i'm playing mario brothers somebody else is playing some other game halo whatever right individually um i think that's kind of cool uh but what might even be more cool is if we could recognize that we're all playing these games what if we could connect all our games together into one meta game into one shared dream so to speak where each of us will log in with our finite avatar in this collective dream and we can dream together but for us to do this notice what has to happen we would have to surrender our sovereignty our absolute sovereignty because see if i insist on being absolutely sovereign and you insist on being absolutely sovereign and so does everybody else then we can't have we can't have this collective dream so i'd have to give up some of my sovereignty so my infinitude you'd have to give up some of yours and then by giving it up we become finite our consciousness has become finite but as we do that we open up the possibility now of connecting with each other the reason we're able to connect with each other is because now we're creating a sense of other when our consciousness becomes less than finite less than fully sovereign that creates a split between self and other now self is no longer infinite self becomes finite as soon as self becomes finite it's like you're creating a division with an infinite consciousness you're dividing it in half half of it's going to be you and half it's going to be not you by creating a u and a not you now there's a possibility of reconnecting with the not you who you think is not you who actually is you so the the the potential for connection is in the fact that you become unconscious of the fact that you are the entire thing but there's a danger if we play this game and the danger is that as our consciousness becomes less than finite i mean less than infinite uh we risk getting lost inside of our collective dream we risk forgetting that we're absolutely sovereign onto ourselves because we no longer feel sovereign we feel limited because we chose to limit ourselves for the purpose of this collective dream each of us would get so wrapped up and engrossed and mesmerized by this collective dream by our dreams in this collective dream um and we would become limited in our consciousness that we would forget that we're god's unto ourselves because as soon as you recognize that you are god and sovereign onto yourself that would immediately collapse this collective dream and lock you into a solipsistic bubble of absolute sovereignty so you can do that that's great but there's a trade-off the trade-off is that you lose all sons of other and so what would be happening is that if we are creating this collective dream then each godhead is fueling one of these avatars in the dream the godhead is sitting behind the eyes of each avatar but the avatars are sleepwalking in the dream the avatars are not conscious for the most part of the godhead behind the avatar and the avatars are not conscious that they're dreaming because they lack the necessary consciousness to see that and so this telepathic connection that i formed with these um other sovereign consciousnesses i didn't form it with their avatars i formed it with their godheads so you might be sitting there saying well leo but you didn't form a telepathic connection with me yeah i didn't form it with your avatar i formed it with your godhead you see the difference you're the avatar who's sleepwalking through this dream so i didn't form it with that i formed it with your godhead which is absolutely conscious you will recognize that when you fully awaken but you're not fully awake right now so you're not recognizing it you see how this works but then what occurred to me is that if we're going to play this collective dream game then we have to promise each other that if any one of us awakens to our god self from this nightmare that we might be constructing because you know this dream could turn into a nightmare it's not necessarily going to be all good could turn into a [ __ ] show so if any one of us awakens we have to help others each ot the rest of us awaken remind the rest of us that we entered into this compact to dream collectively together and that we're stuck in our own collective nightmare and so we could drop each other hints an awakened teacher is someone who's dropping you a hint dropping your avatar a hint and then your avatar is not going to get it but what will potentially get it is the godhead behind the avatar so the infinity the god that you are behind your eyes see i can drop a hint to that thing maybe you'll recognize it see maybe one day you'll recognize that hint that i just dropped or maybe you won't you need to have enough conscious to recognize it will you who knows did i really just drop a hint or did you imagine that i just did what's the difference these hints can only work as long as you're awake enough to get them but if you're awake enough to get them it's almost like you don't even need the hint because you're already awake one of the imperatives that comes with this sort of collective dream paradigm is that there's a challenge now i recognize there's a challenge upon me incumbent upon me when i'm in normal life in this collective dream you know playing as the leo avatar the challenge for me is to first of all not lose my true self in the dream and in the avatar of leo that's the first challenge but then the second challenge is to see through the facade of all the other avatars out there who are acting like devils and idiots see through that and recognize the god in them and sort of like see the good in them even when they're not being good and in a certain sense to hold space for their own goodness so even when you're acting bad and you're acting selfish and you're acting unconscious the responsibility for me if i'm trying to be as awake as i can be and as true to my god as i can be is to see the god in you and to recognize that you're just acting out because you're unconscious and for me to remind you of your full potential for consciousness even when you're acting out even when you lose yourself in the in the nightmare and then hopefully you can do the same for me when i'm acting out and i lose myself in my nightmare and this is the thing that humans are so bad at doing when humans are acting selfish towards each other hurting each other the thing we lose connection with the most is the god in the other who is hurting us that's a real challenge when someone is hurting you to see the god in them and not only to see it but to even hold space for it it's sort of like my responsibility is to see the highest potential in you no matter how bad you are at actualizing that potential in this moment like for me to know the fullness of what you're capable of as god that's what it means to see the god in you because you're going to forget and then the best thing i can do is set the right example lead by example so the example and then remind you of your full potential and then to help you to guide you towards that see like when you're depressed when you're suicidal when you're lonely when you're miserable when you're suffering all this when you're failing when you're not able to get the results you want in life like my highest responsibility is to is to see that that's not really that's not really what's the truest highest thing for you that's just some temporary [ __ ] but then like i can see your full potential that you yourself don't even see that's what it means to really be awake and that's a very practical nugget or application of this otherwise you know very sort of like metaphysical woo-woo uh you know conceptual stuff is like if you just want a practical takeaway from this video the practical takeaway is this try to see the highest potential in others and help them in actualizing that whether it's in your family or your girlfriend your boyfriend your spouse your children your teachers your colleagues your parents whatever if you just did that that would create an amazing life for you you would be an amazing human being but of course it's very hard to do this because this requires a lot of consciousness it really requires that you're going to have some awakenings see it would require infinite intelligence and consciousness on your part to be able to see through the facade that these avatars the way these avatars are acting out in this collective dream to see through that to see underneath that and to see the god in them like for example to look at donald trump and to see this kind of despicable avatar doing these despicable things in the collective dream but then to be able to look through that past that see the god in him and then even to encourage the flourishing of the god within that would be the highest way to go about life and to interact with other avatars this also explains why every avatar wants to be treated as though it were sovereign because actually it is in a certain sense see have you noticed this that basically every human being wants to be respected and treated as though he or she was sovereign unto themselves it doesn't matter whether it's a child an adult a man or a woman a rich person a poor person all of us want respect all of us want our agenda to be put front and center none of us none of us really want to be playing second fiddle even those of us who do it's only just because we've lost our way if you were fully in your power fully in your consciousness you would want absolute sovereignty why your ego wants that why is it just because you're egotistical narcissistic and selfish no it's actually because your true nature is absolute sovereignty because you're god see there's a real misunderstanding about the ego here uh the ego is not just so like some bad thing acting out of selfishness it's not just the devil really the good intent behind the ego is look the ego is a fragment of god it's a partial aspect of god it's a limited biased form of god and without recognizing it what the ego is moving towards is it's seeking its full godhood it's seeking full sovereignty but the way it goes about it is very dysfunctional and delusional and never really tends to work but the ego doesn't understand that because it's not conscious enough so it's just doing the best it can so the ego wants a bunch of money the ego wants a bunch of love the ego wants a bunch of sex the ego wants a big house the ego wants some fast cars the ego wants to fly to mars the ego wants to build a giant company the ego wants billions of dollars the ego wants never-ending growth right never-ending pleasure a bunch of drugs just never stopping like all the ego wants these things you have to see the wisdom really and the good intention behind all these things the ego does all of these are just failed attempts of the ego to recognize itself as sovereign as god so that's actually why the line between narcissism and god realization is very thin it's a lot thinner than it seems and all conflict evil and violence in the world basically comes about when one godhead in a finite avatar infringes on the sovereignty of another godhead in a finite avatar have you seen this have you noticed this this is basically what oppression and abuse and enslavement is right when you want to enslave somebody it's one part of god trying to dominate another part of god and subsume it under its own authority and this is fundamentally not going to work because it's untruthful because the truth is that all at all subparts of there's an infinite number of parts of god and every part of god no matter how tiny it is is equally as valid and sovereign as any other part now whether it knows that or not that can vary not all the parts know that but if they did know it or if you know it then you know that all the parts no part is above any other part in a certain sense and so the challenge is that one part of god is trying to dominate some other part of god this is really what ego is about and part of what it means to recognize your own sovereignty is that it's not that you recognize that oh i'm absolutely sovereign so let me go dominate everyone like a tyrant it's actually exactly the opposite of that and this was part of my original insight of realizing why there should be other sovereigns outside of myself because when i recognize my own sovereignty fully i recognize that i am so sovereign i am so comfortable in my own sovereignty my sovereignty is so unlimited that literally i can allow the existence of another sovereign outside of myself and it wouldn't diminish my sovereignty in the slightest that's what true sovereignty means that's absolute sovereignty it's not diminished it's infinite you can take infinity pull apart out of infinity and create another infinity out of it and you're still equally as infinite as you used to be that's the paradox of infinity infinity is like a is like a magic hat that you can just pull an object out of like you can pull a rabbit out of this magic hat and no matter how many rabbits you pull out of there you're never out of rabbits there's an infinite number of rabbits so if i pull out one rabbit and give it to you it might seem like well i've i've given up a rabbit no i haven't given up a rabbit because there's an infinite number of rabbits in this hat so if i give you one and you won and you won i still have an infinite i still have the same amount of rabbits i never i didn't lose three rabbits and in fact what i could do sort of like the meta trick here is to say like if i have a magic hat that i can pull out an infinite number of rabbits from i can take this hat and i could pull out not a rabbit but another magic hat the same as mine so if i have a magic cat i can pull out another magic hat give you that magic hat now you have the same magic hat that i have you can pull out an infinite number of rabbits and i could pull out an infinite number of rabbits and it we don't we're not we're not constrained by energy or by matter or by physics or by anything you could have as many raps as you want i can have as many rabbits as you want and we can spread this to everybody that's what infinity means it's infinite abundance it's unlimited there's no limits now i recognize that i am the magic hat that's what god is god is this magic hat i recognize that that's what i am but you may not recognize that that's what you are so what does it mean for me to pull out a magic hat and give it to you well it means me helping you to realize that you are the magic cat that i am and it's not that you're a different magic hat we're the same hat in fact your magic hat is just part of my magic hat you see because you're part of my conscience i'm part of your consciousness i recognize that i'm sovereign do you recognize that you're sovereign that's the question that's what you gotta awaken to and as long as you're not awake to that you're stuck in in a finite paradigm playing a finite game not an infinite game and then you're going to be scarce there's not going to be enough abundance for you and then you're gonna get violent and angry and manipulative and you're gonna lie and cheat and steal and hurt people and so forth to get what you need to get your needs met that's the finite paradigm you're stuck in that awakening can kind of break you out of so another practical takeaway from this episode if you just want something practical is live your life and treat others respecting their sovereignty because you recognize that their sovereignty is equal to yours see if you just lived by this principle respecting the sovereignty of everyone you come into contact with this would change how you live your whole life and it would completely change all of your social relationships because usually what we try to do in our social relationships is we're trying to dominate others whether in gross ways or in subtle ways now if you say well leo i don't try to dominate my children i don't try to dominate my mother and father oh yeah is that true maybe you don't try to dominate them like in a tyrannical way per se but you still manipulate them you still try to get your way with them you try to get them to fulfill your agenda you still treat your agenda as more important than their agenda you still don't respect their sovereignty fully what does it mean to respect somebody's sovereignty first of all it means you're not pushy with them about what you need them to do you actually take their needs seriously and their values seriously you don't try to impose your needs and your values to override theirs that's huge so like a lot of christians for example fail in this so maybe it's easier to understand what sovereignty is or what respecting sovereignty is just by with a sort of counter example the classic counter-example is a christian missionary you know who goes to some poor country third world country in africa or in south america and tries to convert the heathens there the tribal people into christianity this is a disrespect of their sovereignty to respect their sovereignty would be to respect their local customs and culture their local shamanism or their local animal mystic worldview or their local you know mystical traditions and spiritual traditions which exist all around the world to respect those and to not hold christianity as more important or better or superior and to not push your christianity onto others not to proselytize see christians fail at this of course almost all fundamentalist religions fail this muslims fail at this and so forth the jews are a little better jews don't proselytize so much um but you know this isn't just happening with religion though this sort of sovereignty violation is happening on so many levels i mean it happens even within science like a lot of people will push science on you for example they will want you to drop your spiritual ideas and to be more rational to be more scientific or for example men will want women to be less emotional and women will want men to be less rational less logical and more emotional or more touchy feely see and then you know your boss will will try to impose sovereignty over you as as his employee and so because of this all our conflicts happen and because of this you know we're always like trying to control people and manipulate people and this leads to a lot of suffering and problems and this is fundamentally because there's a lack of respect for the sovereignty there's a lack of recognition before you can respect someone's sovereignty first you have to recognize your own sovereignty and then you have to recognize the identity between yours and theirs you and them then you could see that oh yeah they're sovereign just like me and my sovereignty is not superior now all of the above that i described is a sort of a thought process that i went through in this awakening i'm sharing it with you as kind of accurately as i can here going point by point but also remember that all of the above is still just a figment of my own consciousness that's all it ever was it wasn't anything else and hence absolute solipsism still holds nothing ever happened outside of my consciousness all of the above is my own dream and that's all there can ever be my own dream my dream is absolute and to realize that is the realization of what god is that is what god is it's an absolute dream sovereign unto itself this is god realizing what it means to be god god fully reuniting with himself god dividing itself and then reuniting with itself this is the theme i've talked about this theme in my episode called division versus unity go check that out this adds some extra dimensions to that now you might say well leo but all these other godheads and gods you imagined didn't you just imagine them and they were always just a part of you well the answer is yes of course of course i divided myself and then i reunited with myself and that reunion is how you realize what god is now you could say well leah wouldn't it be just easier to not go through all this complexity and just to be united immediately sure you could do it that way too if you want um but but there was something unique and something kind of novel about recognizing that i could that i could unite with with other aspects of my consciousness that are as powerful as myself god uniting with god see fundamentally what this whole experience highlights is that you can take god you can subdivide god into an infinite number of parts and each one of those parts is also just going to be god there's no diminution it's what they would call holographic you can break a hologram into as many parts as you want and each subpart of the hologram will contain the whole hologram this is what holographic means so in a certain sense what i became conscious of here is the infinite holography of god pretty cool it's a pretty cool thing you could maybe wake up to one day yourself now you might say well leo how does this differ from your previous sort of solipsistic awakenings in a few ways first of all i would say it's another level it's deeper it was totally a totally mind-blowing experience and i wouldn't trade it for anything one of the best experiences most unique experiences of my life an incredible awakening if you had one of these kinds of awakenings this would be the crowning achievement of your life so it's just amazing it felt amazing the insights of it were amazing um also the possibility there of a very deep connection at a metaphysical level with other in love is an amazing thing and i think that a lot of people who get a little taste of solaces and they miss that they miss the love they meet they miss the deep connection and really it's the difference between the aloneness versus the togetherness aspects of awakening see when you awaken to yourself as god you can sort of there's two sides to this coin of this kind of awakening one side is the aloneness the other side is a togetherness and a lot of people who get really wrapped up on the negative aspect of solipsism they focus on the aloneness side of this coin they're like oh my god i'm alone everything is imaginary everything's just me i imagine my parents and my friends and my dog and my cat and all this oh my god this is awful right you're focused on the aloneness now that's true all of that is true what i just said but if you're focused on the aloneness part of it now there's the other side of the coin which is the togetherness the connection the love you're missing that so it's not just that oh i imagine my mother and my father and my cat and my dog in this and like all sense of other yeah that's true but the because i imagined it the reason i imagined it the other is because actually that other was always a part of me so really by awakening here it's not that i'm sort of like separating myself it's like oh my mother's not real it's no it's not that my mother isn't real yeah i mean she's not real but she's part of my imagination so in a certain sense this this opens the possibility of being closer to my mother than i have ever could have been under the materialist paradigm the non-solipsistic paradigm because in the materialist paradigm you and your mother are physically distinct and always therefore separate you literally cannot become your mother under the materialistic physics oriented paradigm those of you who say that follow-up system is solipsism is [ __ ] and it's false and it can't possibly be true and it's awful and all this okay fine but then under your paradigm the non-solicited paradigm you can never ever become one with your mother never now i ask you how do you feel about that why aren't you angry about that why aren't you nihilistic and depressed about that why aren't you suicidal about that see you could take the idea like oh my god physics is true the material universe is real i'm not dreaming this is reality and i can never merge with my mother i can never be one with her how awful let me go kill myself see that's the proper reaction to uh materialism it's so disconnecting whereas with what i'm talking about with awakening there is an actual possibility of a physical union with anything in the universe so you don't have to be separate from it so you can literally merge with your mother in a platonic way in a metaphysical way where you realize that she is you so that's the proper understanding of the solipsism that i'm talking about and to get this part it's not enough to philosophize and theorize and sit there in your arm chair and to think about this stuff into foreign beliefs you have to actually have an awakening you have to actually experience the love such profound levels of love this entire awakening process that i was describing it was love from beginning to end it was just deeper and deeper gradations of love me realizing my own love for myself imagine the kind of love you would experience if you were able to merge and to recognize the god and every other human and animal in the in the universe and to merge with them and to become identical with them to become one with them that is the togetherness side of this coin yes you're one you're alone because you're so together so what's different about this kind of solipsism is that it's much more uplifting rather than nihilistic it opens the possibility for deep connection and love you don't feel disconnected this is a solipsism in which in which you feel completely connected it's a level of connection and by the way love is just nothing other than connection it's a level of connection that becomes a unity and that opens you up to the highest level levels of love you can't even imagine infinite love this is god's love it open it also leaves more room open for teaching awakening because in the past when i've had my solipsistic awakenings in the past i would come back from those and i'd be like well what's even the point of teaching anybody about awakening because all there is is just me so who am i teaching why would i even teach why even talk about why i even record a video why write a book why talk about awakening whereas now um that's kind of like turned upside down for me now it feels like there's more of a reason to teach about awakening because yeah in the end i'm only teaching myself in a certain sense but it just seems it seems um it just sort of seems like the natural thing to do is sort of like consciousness moving to awaken more consciousness even if it isn't just all a dream so in a sense what's happening here is that the solipsism is is reaching such a deep level there's such a deep level of integration of it and there's a such a deep level of acceptance of the fact that i am dreaming that at first when you realize that you're dreaming it's like oh my god i'm dreaming and nothing is real and it feels kind of down it's like oh it's a bummer because it's not real that's not that's just the beginnings of it that's not full awakening full awakening is when you realize oh my god it's all a dream and i love that that's not a problem that's not a bug that's a feature that's not a mistake that's not something you get depressed about that it's all a dream this is the best possible news that it's all a dream and then you embrace the dream you see in the same way that when you're playing a great video game it doesn't matter to you that the video game isn't real per se if you're engrossed in playing mario brothers and i come up to you and say hey you know but mario's not a real person you say well who gives a [ __ ] i still enjoy playing it if you're watching a great movie and i walk in there say well you know but like those characters aren't real they're just pretending you're gonna say who gives a [ __ ] i still enjoy it but now see if you did think that those people on the movie screen were real at first if i tell you that you might go oh my god what this movie's not real i thought it was real that sucks i can't believe i've been fooled oh my god this is horror horrible i don't want to even watch it anymore i'm going to go kill myself see that's your initial reaction to the news but then once you get over that if you get over it without harming yourself or spiraling out of control into sort of like nihilistic depressive you know psychotic funk if you're able to go past all that and then integrate it and accept it then you can say oh yeah yeah i mean i guess i i was a little bummed out that it's not real i kind of got fooled by that okay fine but but i still it's still a great movie let me just sit down and do a movie and you can sit back down and enjoy the movie and finish the movie and enjoy it and you can even enjoy it more than you did when you thought it was real because there's no difference between real and unreal real and imaginary real an illusion there's no difference between these things and see part of this the sneaky sort of like misconception of solipsism is that when you learn about substances like oh well it's not real and then you you ascribe negative meaning to the fact that something isn't real like if i tell you your mother isn't isn't if i tell your mother is imaginary that's going to be like negative in your mind but the actual awakening to the fact that your mother's imaginary is not negative it's your ego mind that's reacting with the negativity so in the end nothing i'm saying here contradicts solipsism it's actually this is actually a deeper version of it is what i'm telling you so i formed this profound connection with all the other godheads now you might ask leo weren't those other godheads weren't you just hallucinating those to which the answer is yes absolutely that's precisely what i did and that's precisely all that reality could ever be and to recognize and accept that is to be awake that's a feature that's not a bug you got to learn to love that and the integration process is it can be a long process to come to love that it's an acquired taste you know this is this is stuff that you know it's taken me years to get to this point this is shocking radical stuff what you're not fully recognizing yet is that there really literally is no difference between a real connection with another godhead and just you imagining that connection there's not a difference and when you recognize that that will be the connection see you don't connect physically with anything you're connecting by recognizing that there's no difference between anything that's what's creating the connection because by creating differences with your mind that is the division that is the disconnection when you think that i'm not you you're disconnected from me when you realize that my body is your own mind you connect with me in a way that would not be possible otherwise under any kind of material connection you can connect with me much more deeply metaphysically than you can physically you can have sex with someone and you might think that's a deep connection that's not the deep connection the deep connection is actually realizing that the person you're having sex with is literally you that would be the deeper connection and that can't happen at the physical material that can only happen metaphysically by using your consciousness to become aware of the identity between you and everyone else so i formed a connection as real as any connection you've ever had to anything more real actually because it was an absolute connection at a metaphysical level it was an absolute unity so you might say well leo my connection with my mother that's the real connection and your connection was just some sort of hippie imaginary connection it's like no my connection was deeper than any connection you've ever had with any human in your in your life you just think those are real connections those are not connections you're disconnected from all those people you're disconnected from your mother your father everyone everyone you think you're connected with you're disconnected from them you don't realize that you're identical with them you don't realize that they're god like you are god you don't see the god in them you don't see the god in you that would be the real connection so what i'm telling you here is that very again very a practical takeaway this is probably something you're missing in your life a very profound connection with other whatever that other is cat dog human whatever alien a very profound connection with other is possible at a metaphysical level go seek that connection but remember this connection will be imaginary it will not be a real connection it'll be imaginary and that's okay as it should be because there is no other kind of connection there's only one kind of connection all connection is imaginary all connection is connection to your own self you're always connecting with yourself you can't connect with anything but yourself that's what you realize and you realize that love is just connection love the reason love i mean the reason consciousness god and truth are all equivalent to love is because consciousness is capable of infinite self-connection by dissolving the differences between all of its parts and turning into an absolute unity that's just what love is and when you experience that that's what your human emotions signal to you as feelings of love human love is just a little tip of the iceberg of metaphysical love god's love so in conclusion a solipsism without infinite love is false a solipsism with total connection to everything and you drowning in infinite love that's the true solipsism so this is how you know if you're asking with leo i've had some solipsistic ideas and i felt bad about it how do i know if that's true or false if you feel bad about it it's false now don't get me wrong the insights you might have had might have been true but you're you're interpreting them and then your ego is taking that into a negative false direction so you know you have to kind of separate out the truth like for example you might realize your mother is imaginary that's true that's not false but then what you do with that and how you get butthurt about that and how you take that as unreal and negative and all the meaning you attach to it that's the false part and if if there's no love present with your realization that's also means that it's a shallow level of realization and you have a lot deeper higher to go so every god head that i connected to is identical to myself i'm not connecting to something different out there somewhere i'm just realizing literally what the connection is just realizing that oh that godhead is me oh okay yeah we connected because it's just me i'm connecting to myself it's an identity the connection goes so deep it becomes an identity so i know a lot of you have struggled with solipsism and asked a lot of questions about solipsism this question of a topic of solipsism requires a lot of gradual repeated exposure integration work you have to awaken to it and then you have to integrate awake integrate equate it integrate you like keep integrating because because basically what you're doing is you're you're deconstructing your mind you're deconstructing various kinds of illusions and as that's happening you're losing sense of meaning you're losing a sense of purpose right because your whole life was built on this house of cards probably even your motivation to get out of bed in the morning was based upon a lie so when you realized it was a lie then maybe you don't want to get out of bed in the morning you're feeling depressed but these are just the early stages you have to understand right like there has to be a lot of integration work years of integration work you have to confront the illusions that your mind creates again and again and again and again and in in that process the ego mind will hate it it'll misinterpret it it'll [ __ ] and moan about it it'll get nihilistic about it depressed about it and so forth and so you have to be careful about that because if you're taking on the solipsism stuff and the things i'm saying if you're just taking this on as concepts and theories and philosophy you're only gonna suffer more from this you need actual awakenings if you've not had an actual awakening to the fact that you are absolute consciousness that you are completely sovereign and one then you're you're just stuck in mental masturbation it's going to hurt you now if you have had some of those awakenings that's good but you're still not out of the woods you're still probably in a bad spot you're gonna have to have a lot more of those fully integrate those over years the way that i've been doing and then maybe you can break through to some of those more positive more like togetherness aspects of what's being talked about here when you're thinking about solipsism also just think about the difference between solipsism and its opposite and realize that even that difference is itself imaginary therefore any suffering arising out of you realizing solipsism is also imaginary and it's not the ultimate truth so this is tricky stuff i'm pointing out you know various traps for you here so the key lesson another key lesson here is this if you claim solipsism but you aren't falling in love with yourself and with reality then you're going wrong you've taken a wrong turn somewhere or you haven't completed your work yet you're stuck in a sort of a a local minimum on this journey you're stuck in a dip if you're feeling depressed nihilistic suicidal if you're feeling lonely cynical hopeless if you're hating yourself hating others hating god hating life hating reality if you're afraid if you're anxious if you're asking questions like well why did god create this hell hole that i'm in you're definitely not awake awakening wipes all of that out at least temporarily it shouldn't be contributing to those things if you if what you think and call awakening is contributing to all those things that i just mentioned then something is going horribly wrong and you need to rethink what you're doing what you're calling awakening you've got to rethink that because maybe what you're calling awakening isn't anything that i'm talking about so in the end the way you you know whether you're doing this awakening process correctly is that you should be moving towards more love more connection um more peace more joy more amazement and wonderment at just like how amazing the structure of reality is you shouldn't be cursing nature you should be marveling at nature you should be marveling at yourself how amazing the structure of all this is how how ingenious it is how brilliant it is how intelligent it is not how awful it is it's not a dark thing so be very careful about your ideas of solipsism they're not what i'm talking about the way you know that your awakening is genuine and full is if you experience profound levels of love awe and wonder and you're feeling whole healthy and connected and you're not hating other human beings you're not becoming misanthropic you don't want to hurt them you want you fully understand them you have compassion for them you understand their limitations and you understand why they act awful you have understanding for all of that and you're capable of forgiving that that's how you know that this is genuine and uh proper awakening and if you're getting more bitter then you're going down some wrong path so be careful trust your feelings a bit on this your feelings you know your heart is guiding you towards love not towards bitterness if you're experiencing a lot of bitterness sit down go back to the drawing board say wait a minute where did i go wrong okay i'm feeling bitter i'm feeling negative i'm feeling depressed i've been doing a bunch of meditating and i've been doing a lot of psychedelics and all this stuff and now i'm feeling worse i'm feeling depressed and and nihilistic and i can't even motivate myself get in bed what's happening to me where did i go wrong that's how i want your your thought process to work and then sit down and kind of like go and say where did i make a mistake where did i misinterpret some teaching where did you know maybe leo said this but maybe he meant something else and i didn't quite understand that or maybe i'm interpreting this whole set of teachings in in some twisted way maybe i'm resisting here or i'm avoiding this thing here or i still have some fear i haven't confronted there and that is tripping up and twisting up this whole process which should be a beautiful process of love awe and wonder and wholeness and connection rather than misery so what do you do if you're stuck in a negative solipsistic spiral um well you could just take a break from this whole work and just go back to ordinary life distract yourself go you know watch some movies have some sex enjoy life you could do that and then kind of forget about it sometimes that's necessary if you're really in a bad place or if you're feeling more powerful then you could actually start to question it and deconstruct it and you could work you know you could double down your spiritual efforts you could you could go back kind of rethink your spiritual techniques and and and methods and maybe make some adjustments and then go for a more full more holistic awakening and remember that awakening is not guesswork it's not speculation it's not theory it's not philosophy philosophy is not awakening if you're having doubts about whether you're awake or not you're not awake if you've had a little bit of awakening and then you're still having doubts about it you're like well yeah maybe i had some awakenings but leo how do i know if it's true how do i know if that love that i experienced was really real how do i know that my experience of god was the real god or maybe i was just fooling myself and maybe i was just delusional and hallucinating on some chemicals if you're having these kinds of doubts then you didn't really awaken or your awakening was so short and so shallow that you need a lot more of it real awakening has no doubts there's no real there's no doubt there's no room for doubt in awakening awakening is absolute consciousness absolute truth you're absolutely conscious there's nothing to doubt there if you're doubting it you're not absolutely conscious don't worry you're not gonna miss it you're not just going to like have it awakening it's like what was that an awakening or not i don't know i maybe i missed it maybe i was like distracted i was daydreaming and i missed my awakening no the awakening is so radical it'll it'll it'll stop everything the real awakening is so shocking you're not going to miss it so don't worry you just have deeper to go that's all all right that's it that's it for this episode i hope you enjoyed it one last point i want to make here is that for those of you who are taking the psychedelic path towards awakening uh which i do recommend it can be very effective uh a couple of points about that how do you keep yourself from deluding yourself with psychedelics that is possible that is possible but remember also you could delude yourself without psychedelics too so that's also possible in fact even even more possible the majority of humans on this planet are deluded without ever having taken a single psychedelic and in fact the majority of humans on this planet are deluded about the function and nature of psychedelics so when people tell me that oh leo but but psychedelics are dangerous because you could delude yourself but that's already the case so what what's the danger now there's other dangers and by the way i've enumerated all the many dangers about psychedelics some of them are pretty serious you want to go check that out before you actually use psychedelics i have an episode called um the something like the top dangers of using psychedelics go go search for that i ex list a couple dozen different dangers that you should be aware of and yes deluding yourself is a danger deluding yourself is always a danger with or without psychedelics or whatever you do whatever spiritual path you take it's always a danger so but anyways how do you confront this specific danger well trip more trip deeper integrate spend a lot of time integrating contemplate really contemplate your trips journal about them think about them very carefully and also seek to invalidate your past awakenings and trips so you might have one awakening where you experience god you might have another awakening where you experience love another awakening where you experience absolute sovereignty another awakening where you connect with some other being or whatever okay now do five more awakenings on top of those and try to you know five more trips on top of those i mean and try to invalidate all your previous ones and see if if it works for you see what comes up don't get attached to any particular idea even like the idea that you're god don't get attached to that ideally every time you trip you throw all your ideas away you're willing to invalidate any one of them you're willing to experience something totally new that contradicts everything you thought or said before you have to have this kind of beginner's mind attitude with every trip because if if you get too attached to certain ideas that will start to color your trips then your trips will go down certain directions and not potentially others and then the more you try to invalidate your own spiritual insights and understandings um you'll see which of those can be invalidated and then other ones you'll try to invalidate and validate and validate and validate it just you can't invalidate it and then this builds real you know solid understanding and then very deep integration of of these things and you might say well leo but but what if i've tried to invalidate it five times and i still haven't but that doesn't mean it's absolutely true look you can only do as good as you can do the way that science works and really tripping on psychedelics is no different than science you're doing science you're doing inner science science of consciousness the way science works is that you can never absolutely invalidate something all you can do is you can try to invalidate it as many times as you have time and energy to do to the point where you're reasonably confident in it and that's just as good as you can do that's as good as a human can do all right it's it's always the case that you can always make the argument like well like how do you know that the speed of light is whatever it is or how do you know that gravity works the way you know einstein says how do you know general relativity is true well because we've tried to invalidate it thousands of times and haven't succeeded yet okay well that doesn't mean it can't be invalidated tomorrow it could be how do you know the sun will rise from rise tomorrow i mean only because it's risen every day of your life but that doesn't mean that it won't rise tomorrow this is just the nature of experimental empirical method remember that the truth is not fragile it will stand up to vigorous testing and prodding it will stand up to skepticism it will stand up to efforts to invalidate it so if you're afraid to test some theory of yours or some idea you have or some spiritual insight you have if you're afraid to really push on it that's probably because it isn't true if it was really true you wouldn't be afraid to push on it because the truth will support your weight full weight on it that's what's so awesome about the truth is that you can't invalidate it and the more you try to invalidate it the more obvious it becomes and also to avoid deluding yourself with psychedelics pay extra attention to any kind of subtle fear in you when it comes to tripping and exploring different parts of consciousness in your trip those parts you're afraid to explore you're like oh well i don't want to i don't want to contemplate that topic or i don't want to contemplate this topic because it's scary or it's uncomfortable whatever that's where the truth is hiding the truth when you fully are in possession of the truth with awakened consciousness there's not going to be any fear at all consciousness eclipses all possibility of fear so fear is your clue and that fear gets replaced with love if you're doing this process correctly all right that does it um i felt like [ __ ] usually i don't share my latest awakenings but i felt like sharing this one because it was so unique and i haven't heard anybody else describing this so that's that again i'm not sitting here claiming to be the best the most and i'm not claiming to have all my awakening complete i'm always open to more i'm excited to explore new stuff discover even higher awakenings that's always the case with all of my work it's always been that way this is an evolving process right and you have to get good in this work to be willing to just like go beyond all of your past experiences and all of your past understandings you know keep pushing beyond beyond beyond and just keep going don't worry about when is it going to end when am i going to be done don't worry about it just keep going why do you need to be done what if there's a never-ending um you know ladder of of insight and awakenings that you can have why not climb that ladder and see where it takes you i see people way too eager to claim themselves done and to claim that they've understood everything i think you should understand how foolish that is to assume such things how do you know when you're done who would tell you so my attitude just keep going keep exploring keep prodding at your own ideas and i think you'll be rewarded with higher and higher truths and discoveries deeper and richer and greater degrees of love and that's to me what this whole journey is about you